Mondays are my JAAAAM. I love a fresh start! Usually. Y’all the last couple of days I’ve had the most beautiful moments followed by hours of my hormones and hurt-sensors flying high, AND I was all up in my head to the point of tears streaming out of my control.

Why? I could name a hundred reasons. Kids in every dang season – each one deserving of grieving and celebration, forgiving is hard, working out is hard, marriage is hard, coparenting with different values is hard, seeing my African son try to make friends with mean high schoolers is so hard, keeping this house with 800 people CLEAN is insanely hard.

Sometimes I just have all the feelings & want someone to show up for me in a special, certain way and it just doesn’t happen.

The messages starts forming. LIES.

Lies, like I am not supported or shown up for. Not true. Lies like I can’t do this anymore. Not true. Lies like I don’t have what it takes, I don’t have what these kids need, the love I hoped for or the right, value, and opportunities others do. Like like – I’m endured, not enjoyed. Oldest lie I’ve carried since I was little, also not true. And yet when I do the hard work and get close to this next level of me, a new level of strength and health and discipline – it feels like an avalanche of old lies and an army of interferences come crashing in. And I’m left thinking, wow I came so close. Long sigh… 2 steps forward, 4 steps back, right?
Not. True.
Lies sound really good. Even poetic at times.

That’s why we have to be ready, stealth, prepared with our truths.

During our community group yesterday we were discussing the vast difference between NO TALK of depression or anxiety decades ago to now seeing full disclosure about a stranger’s mental illness in a social media post. The awareness is good. It comes with some chaos at times as change does. My husband pointed out that it can sometimes become a crutch for people. As a therapist hat irritated me, but it’s actually true. Then, my friend Crystal mentioned, “Sometimes we’ve gotta just stop worshipping our problems.”

|gulp|

That hit me. And long story short I spent the next 24hrs declaring that I AM NOT freaking depressed, I’m under attack AND I FIGHT BACK. Clean version 🙂 Over and over I kept reminding myself, kept jumping out of my head with these words. NOW, there are days where this would not have worked. But to battle the crapfest of thoughts that try to take us down, we have to A N N I H I L A T E it from all sides, all types of bullets and weapons and truths. Some days, I cannot get myself off cloud 9 if I tried. Others, I have about a dozen things firing to keep myself aligned to my truth. Is this surprising to anyone? Somehow someone is always surprised by my bad days and I’m like I’m a real person, I have all these kids wearing my heart out daily and I may seem brave but let me tell you – the braver we live the MORE opportunities for hurt, rejection, setbacks, mistakes & disappointments we have. It’s worth it one hundred percent to live your potential and keep forging that personal growth train But not without my glocks of scripture, rifles of rituals, machetes of mantras, Atomic bombs of habit and any other weapons of mass mindful destruction I can muster up.

Which brings me all the way back to one tried and true mantra:

WORSHIP IS YOUR WEAPON.

I have found nothing so powerful as taking all of the attention off of me, my problems and directing my focus to the omnipotent God who sees me, knew all my mess before stepped in it, and is the Comforter, Provider, Healer and Truth Revealer that sets my mind back on solid ground.

Worship dispels the darkness.
Worship calls out our faith.
Worship pushes our hope back the pool and soaks us in truth.
Worship reminds us.

WORSHIP IS YOUR WEAPON.

In physics, annihilate means to turn something into radiant energy.

RADIANT ENERGY. Wow.

What better way to demolish darkness than to turn it into beautiful praise.

With that being said, here’s my go-to playlist for those days we desperately need help taking our thoughts captive. Those first several stay on repeat pretty much daily.

Maybe like me, you know better, but you still need to be reminded to stop worshipping your problems.

Start annihilating, sis. From all sides.

EVEN LOUDER:

Me, I give my all
Despite my downfalls
Where many see me fail
Only You see me prevail
The bigger depression hits
The louder my praise gets
The bigger depression hits
The louder my praise gets

Even if the drum stops beating, my soul will keep on singing…

even louder, even louder.