When you sneak a glance at your husband, what would you say his demeanor is?
Does he have the look of freedom? of Joy? Does he look… HAPPY?
Or is it more like the look of defeat? Stuck? Like a man in prison?
The difference is you. Yep…. all YOU.
As wives, we have the ability to either help our men become all that God intends them to be, uplifting them so high to The Father that they feel they could do anything! We have the power within us to have — get this — HAPPY HUSBANDS!!!
Or we can tear them apart. Limb from limb, task from task, disappointment from disappointment, we can beat them down so low that they feel they can do nothing right.
We can destroy them.
THE CRITICAL WIFE. Does that ring a bell? Is that you?
Of course it comes from a place of good intentions. Maybe your single season taught you so much that you just know the best way to do everything! Maybe you had a critical parent and you just became what was normal to you. Maybe you’re just a flipping genius and everyone in your house should just consult with you before attempting… anything?
Maybe your husband is hot, but he’s a complete idiot and he simply cannot survive a day without your helpful critique. Maybe! But, maybe not.
Maybe without you, he could live. GASP!! Maybe without your criticism, he could still get by, wouldn’t kill the kids or burn the house down or fail at everything he does. I don’t know, I’m not really sure if your husband could survive without your helpful instructions – but let’s say we find out? 🙂
I have a challenge for you this week, and for some of you – as for me – it’s a doozy. You might be worn thin out afterward, emotionally exhausted and have a bitten-through lip, but it will give you a good indication of where you are in your marriage and what YOU are doing to build up or tear down your husband. Scary, right?
So here’s the deal:
FOR ONE DAY—– ONE DAY —-> DO NOT CRITICIZE YOUR HUSBAND AT ALL.
Now, to some of you this just got REAL. I know, because that was me when I challenged myself to a week, and then realized after one hour that just one day would be plenty sufficient to give me the grim results.
Oh yeah – you have to track yourself.
Every time you are tempted to CORRECT or CRITICIZE your husband in ANY WAY (this includes the constructive kind), just keep your mouth shut.
That’s all! That’s it! Simple, right? We’ll see! Surely you’ll at least do better than me. I counted up TWENTY FOUR times that I consciously had to make myself keep my mouth shut. In one day. ONE!! No lie. And that’s just the times I DIDN’T say anything! There were times my mouth was faster than my mind. Shocking, I know.
In my defense, this particular day we were with each other the entire day… and of course, since I had committed to my own challenge – the devil came hard at me. Expect that.
Here’s a helpful idea – my friend set herself a daily notification in her phone just to remind her to not criticize today & every day – – genius!
The thing is, there is nothing like when my husband is HAPPY. He is hilarious, he lights up the room, he pesters me and he’s a bit out of control, but it’s AWESOME and I LOVE IT! THAT’S what I want, I want him HAPPY! Every day, all the time, as much as I have anything to do with it – that man deserves to be HAPPY.
And, I want more than anything for my girls to be better than me at everything they do. ESPECIALLY RELATIONSHIPS. So, I’m just going to have to get better so they’ll hopefully see a glimpse of what that looks like.
If you find – after this challenge – that you are, in fact, a critical wife – there’s great news! YOU’RE NOT ALONE!! Not by a long shot. Poor guys. It’s no wonder one of the biggest complaints from wives is that their husbands don’t open up to them and communicate… and we wonder why they don’t want to talk? Your husband is who he is mostly because of how YOU shape him with your words. Hey, at least NOW YOU KNOW! AND, now you know how bad it is, and how much it’s affecting, well.. everything. And you already know the answer – simple: shut your mouth. ZIP IT. QUIT IT. SHUT IT. STOP IT! Easier said than done, believe me, I know. But getting to the bottom of this will be worth it… you can notice a difference in your husband and in your marriage literally almost instantly! YOU HAVE THAT KIND OF POWER! Well, your tongue does.
WORDS HAVE THE POWER OF LIFE AND DEATH ~ Proverbs 18:21
Are you speaking LIFE or DEATH over your husband?
“And I’ve concluded … that the words people say to us not only have shelf life, but have the ability to shape life.” ~Bob Goff, Love Does
Speak life… it’s so much easier to overtake the bad by suffocating it with GOOD! You can choke out the critic in you by becoming THE PRAISING WIFEY! Hollaaaa!!!!! Tell him everything he does that’s good, everything about him you love, and shape his life, every day, with your words. Mmmmmmm, what a HAPPY HUSBAND that could be!!
MOMMAS – guess what? This same principle, goes for your kids, too. Oh yeah, MOM actually does not mean Queen Corrector. *Ouch!
SINGLE FUTURE WIFEYS – practice this now, because you are in for a rude awakening when you have to give over the reigns if you truly want a spiritual leader for a future husband.
Ready??? Sure you are, you got this! Don’t get discouraged, you can only get better! 🙂
Get to it wifey! Go love your man. By shutting up. Start with one day, then try another, and another, and another – until you can see the difference, not in just you – but you’ll see the difference in your husband. It. will. be. AMAZING. 🙂