When I was a single momma, a few ladies asked me how I was able to work full time, go to school, and take care of 3 kids. Looking back – uhhh that’s a very good question… how on earth did I??? I guess it’s the same answer as when I went through cancer – I didn’t do it – it was only God. I believe He gives us whatever it is we need, moment by moment, to do whatever He calls us to do.
The only real answer I could offer to fellow Mommas was simply, ” MOM IT OUT.”
God has had me in a really cool season of learning to —->BE PRESENT<—-
When you’re at work, focus — DO WORK.
When you’re hanging with besties, listen, laugh, enjoy the time shared.
When you’re going on a date, get your girly bliss on. Expend all your energy on making your man feel like a King!
When you’re at school, learn like crazy, NERD IT OUT!
And when you’re with your kids… when you have the sacred opportunity to be in the priceless presence of your little gifts from God… surrounded with the rare treasure of attention and presence of your children — >
MOM. IT. OUT.
Being a single momma taught me sooooooooo much. I have no idea what I was doing before I was single – but you dang sure don’t get that kind of crash course in mom survival until you do it alone.
God bless you single Momma’s something special– it ain’t for the weak!
I have been needing to compile and process some of the lessons God has taught me, and today sounds like a good day to start.
Lesson #1: GET A GAME PLAN
Kids love to be in the know!! It makes them feel so special to share your family vision with you. Family vision… what’s that??
Sometimes we get so busy that we end up haphazardly raising our kids – been there, DONE THAT! No way to live. Isn’t it true that there are times we don’t even know how WE are getting through the day to day, much less have a game plan for them? It is so so so so easy to leave them behind on what’s going on. Scatterbrain = scattered child = scattered home = scattered LIFE. God has taught me how important it is to get on the same page as a family about chores, consequences, meals, schedules, and your family’s spiritual journey (yes, we all have one of those and they turn out much better when we use a map!) When we create shared expectations, we can grow together as we build a family legacy beyond our wildest dreams.
GAME PLAN? pfffff… what’s that?
There was a time when getting The Littles to school was the hardest part of my day. It was sheer torture for everyone. Jacey, God bless that child, was a replica of my baby sister Micah. Talk about taking your sweet time. Showers alone took 45 minutes! But honestly, I was so spent that I didn’t make things easier – I could barely get out of bed myself. The result was enemy-run chaos in our household and all of us spending 1/2 our time together just rushing around half asleep. We were missing out on some joy and the jewels of time better spent. It was time to make a change. I’ve read (and seen for myself) that the most successful people in the world, people that do things that make a difference – they get up early. It makes sense. I am 100X better on days I get up early and have a quiet time and a good work out. I’m energized to get breakfast going and take the time to help my girls feel uplifted and ready for their day ahead. Other days… not so much. There have been days – too many, I hate to confess – that we all rolled out of bed, showers and breakfast were a luxury, made it to school just in time to finish the chaos of missing shoes, half brushed hair, and spent our final moments together passing the blame of who made us late that morning. Pathetic. It didn’t take long for me to see that their lives were being affected by their mornings — and mornings lead to days, and these little days lead to big futures. A childhood is a precious thing to waste in chaos. God revealed to me real quick that as the momma, I am responsible for so much more than just getting them where they needed to be – I am responsible for how their day begins, what first words they hear and whether the first thing they experience is a smile and a song or a rushed hollar pushing them into the day. We mommas have the power to determine how prepared they are to learn, whether or not they have a nutritious meal – which has lasting effects that determine their energy and attitude for hours after they leave me. We can rush them off to their days in tears and feelings of defeat (I can remember my own school days like that – the WORST), or we can change the course of their entire day by ushering them out the door fed with more than just breakfast – confidence, love, encouragement, and their very best shot at having a wonderful day. Years of wonderful little days will eventually turn into big, bright, wonderful futures!
That’s A LOT of responsibility — NO DOUBT. But, the difference in having a game plan for their lives instead of fitting them in around our own chaos, can change the course of their lives, and in turn – develop a legacy in them that is worthy of the calling God has given us as parents. Time flies. I’m pretty sure we better make it count while we have the chance.
To make a game plan in the beginning – our mornings had to change. I almost took control of this & made morning to-do posters for the girls to use – but handing that job off to The Littles was just what they needed. They felt big, in-charge of their day, & responsible — and then – they became all of that. Before long, they were excited at seeing all they could accomplish each morning as they checked of their list of tasks. I spent less time begging them to get. out. of. bed. and more time making my own changes – like cooking a healthy breakfast and getting a morning devotion ready. A game plan was being born, and with that my girls were learning what a difference a little preparation for life can make, and priorities began to surface through or efforts – like health, education, quality time together. That was over two years ago, and now morning time together is some of the best moments we share. Jacey has gone from being the sleeping in queen to waking up before anyone, crawling in bed to sleep curled up next to me for a couple of hours, and then going full ninja-out on her morning to-dos. She still loves to sleep in on the weekends – but weekdays are about making the most of each day – she doesn’t want to miss a beat, that girl has to get her amazing ON. I may have prayed that child into being a morning person – sorry I’m not sorry. 🙂
Kids love boundaries. They are better with a game plan, they love to talk and they have big hearts that long to be tapped into. We can better help them realize how successful and capable they are as we not only make a game plan around our family priorities, but most especially by giving them the opportunity to help create and dominate the family vision. For us, our family game plan & vision includes spending time with God, making time for each other, and gutting out all possibilities for drama, unnecessary nagging, tension and division with good communication and shared values and agendas.
When I think about it, it’s pretty ridiculous that this entire day – and every day for my girls- is so affected by MY choices and efforts in their mornings. Their attitudes, energy, relationships, frame of mind, and whole experience of life can be one big grump fest of frustration or a beautiful journey of confidence and success just by how we as mommas choose to spend OUR time pushing them around or pouring positive into them each day. Mommas, we make a BIGGGGG difference. Our kiddos need a game plan from us (and our husbands if you’re married) just like a team needs the same from the coach. We set the pace, we lead by example, our life in action is their greatest teacher and we have an obligation to give them our absolute best… no short cutting and half-…ing it. This is no part time job we want to take lightly. Go all in on your kids with love & a game plan. Then, the coolest thing happens…
as they see your example – you’ll begin to see them go all in for you, too. Over time, what you invest in them, they give right back.
What does your family’s game plan look like? Any momma tips or tricks that have helped your fam bam? Please share! We are a force to be reckoned with when we learn from each other and grow in the greatest calling of all – being a MOMMA! 🙂