Let me be clear.
I. AM NOT. LOOKING. FOR A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am on a path of my own God-inspired bliss. IF while on that path I should come across a man who is ALREADY on that same path then he just might be the one. And IF while on that path I should come across a man that is already on that same path AND further pushes me to go harder, faster, stronger… then yes. Yes, please.
But I have not in any way arranged or set up my life to be attractive to any guy. I am adamant right now about pursuing God’s heart and purpose in my life, and while that may look like beautiful bliss to me, it would most likely be viewed as a headache for any guy trying to come after me.
Because it’s not just me.
First there’s Jacey, and she already has a daddy. She has a great relationship with him and he is a wonderful father to her. If at some point God were to bring another father figure into her life, what she does not need is a daddy. She needs a man that gives her space and freedom, and a perfect balance of love that never makes her feel like she’s cheating on her own daddy. What she does need is an example of a spiritual leader. She needs a man that will pray for and with her, she needs to see him in the Word, in the church, on his knees as well as in the streets feeding the hungry. She needs to see a man that pursues her mom, that forgives, that loves freely and generously. She needs to see in him the kind of man her momma wants her to hold out for. She needs to see a man that is madly in love with Jesus.
Then there’s Miss J. Miss J already has a father too, and she loves him. But she rarely sees him, the relationship is strained, and she’s confused and hurt. She has no other male role model in her day to day life except for Keliann’s boyfriend, Tate – who. is. AMAZING. with her. He is sensitive to her, gives her loads of attention and encouragement. He adores her and he shows her that he thinks she’s great. But he’s not a father or anywhere near a father figure. She needs a man to be her daddy in her daily life – and to understand that he could be just stepping in as an interim. In one day everything about her situation could be changed. But she needs to be loved as if everything is staying this way forever. She needs to be dated and adored and told words of love and encouragement, even though she sometimes can’t respond. She has her own complex world of issues and if God should bring a man into her daily life, he needs to be peace for her, appropriate love, and much patience.
Then there’s Keliann. This little sweet thang is easy to love. She’s funny, smart, determined, eclectically fabulous and I’m pretty sure her heart is made of cupcake. She, like all of us, has her own daddy issues. For ONCE in her dadgum life she needs just ONE MAN to be consistent. To stay. She needs one man to show her what commitment is and that she’s worth investing in because SHE IS. She needs confirmation that her place in our crew is not up for grabs, that her spot is hers and that as I have tried to tell her – even if God should bring a man into this, she was here first, she stays. That doesn’t change. She needs to be challenged, encouraged, and given lots and lots and lots of space to grow and learn on her own so that what the Holy Spirit does in her sticks because she learned the lessons and experienced it for herself. She’s not going to get a father figure from someone through me, because I’m not a mother figure to her. It’s a special relationship we have that involves discipleship, accountability, and much random hilarity. She would need that same kind of special relationship from any man that came into the picture.
And then there’s me.
I don’t need a financial provider, I already bring home the bacon. I don’t need a man to lift heavy things, I can carry and put up my own Christmas tree. I need a man with a missional heart. I need a man that can give me space to run wild and that knows when to put his foot down with me. I need a man that steps on my toes, gently. I need a man that will go for a freaking run with me, go hiking, go play in Dallas, read awesome books on his own, hug my grandma, give my sisters hell, win my momma’s heart, and endure my over exuberance for life. And I like to go out… I need a man that will make the time (and reservations) to take. Me. On. DAAAAATES. I need a man that can challenge me spiritually. And if nothing else, I just need a man that loves God more than He loves me, because then I know the rest will come.
It’s all or nothing. If a man is going to be bold enough to come after me, he has to understand the full package. And he has to love that – not just be okay with it – but LOVE my girls and be downright crazy about what God is doing here. Because it’s not changing. I’m not moving. And if anyone else moves I’ll just take in someone else that needs a home. So it’s not going to get any easier than it is now. In fact, it could easily get harder. I’m not sure I know any man that’s up for that… in fact, what man wouldn’t run for his life????
You could say I’m picky but I don’t think I want anything more than what God wants for me and my girls (or what He would want for ANY woman). So, I won’t become any guy’s girlfriend lightly. Because the next time I am someone’s girlfriend, I am most likely going to become his wife. And given what I’ve been through, that is going to have to be one phenomenal man to get me to change all of this.
And aside from all of that… there’s one other small factor.
I LOVE BEING SINGLE.
No, really. LOVE.
I’m no man hater. I do fully subscribe to Halle Berry’s words, “I haven’t given up on love. But I refuse to settle.” And in this moment, I am so happy. I am so content and so complete, because God is more than enough and He takes such good care of His girls and He is rocking our faces off right now with this life.
So no.
I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m trying to raise rockstars here. My focus is 3 supergirls that God has given me to love on and that’s where my heart is. And even when I envision my future beyond that I can easily see myself single for years on end, full of happiness, enjoying family and friends, traveling, fulfilling God’s purpose, fighting with others to make a difference in this world and working hard, smart, and strong to see all of my wildest dreams come true in God’s timing.
I am thoroughly,
ridiculously,
utterly
happy.
I am NOT. looking. for a man.
Now…
All of that being said,
So there’s this guy…
.
Thoughts swirling... 
You. Totally. Rock. I love this post. I’m a little jealous because I am just now getting to the point of figuring out what I want and what I do not want out of life in general but also in regards to “a man” in my life. But – better late than never. 🙂
Girl I’m way late too!!! But yes, better late than never… the best is yet to come for us Shelley! 🙂
ummm……no….you can’t leave it with an ending like that!!! Utter suspense!! You are an amazing woman!!
hahaa!! You are too sweet Melissa 🙂 I’m in the same boat of suspense! But I assure you, after I’ve had some time to check this out for myself, I’ll share more 🙂 Thanks for reading!!
so theres this guy… ❤ it!
you are an amazing person. an amazing woman. an amazing mom. an amazing friend. a mazing. period.
and im loving that so far 'mr so theres this guy' is absolutely amazing too. =)) flowers twice in one week..c'mon? ..but i hope he knows that your heart is precious to God and about one milllllion people. and that we, errrr I [and about one millllion people] will hunt him down if he even comes close to breaking it. ;)) i trust that God knows what he is doing with your heart.. and i love you with all of mine. my prayer today is that 'mr so theres this guy' knows just how special your heart is.
beautiful post friend. beeeeauuutifulllll!
mmmmmm, just soaking all of that in. Thank you sweet bestie. I’m trusting God too. ❤
Yes exactly…..couldn’t have said more or better myself! I am one of the millions who loves this amazing young woman and would like to be one of the millions who joins the hunt, should it be required!! He better be awesome!!
….”there’s this guy”….Stace you crack me up!!!!
Dearest Stacey,
I think of anyone I can “get” what you are saying. I myself was very happy being single and thought I would stay that way. Raising my girls was and is my #1 thing (mainly because God trusted me with them — who wants to let him down) And second when I stopped looking guess what — God blessed me with Dave. Not only me but my girls too. He loves them as his own. That is hard for them to accept because of the love one man didn’t show for them. But i know they do love him. I know I am second in Dave’s life — God is first. He does “push” me like you are talking about. Once someone told me to make a list of what I wanted in a man — he exceeds that list. WOW does he ever. God truely blessed me and i can say without a doubt I am in love with my best friend.
I love you and thank God for you for being their for my precious precious girl. You are a great influence on her. Thank you for all you have done and will do in her life. (Especially when Becca and I move to Oregon) Be ready for my other best friend to be lost — we haven’t ever been that far away from each other! But i know it is one thing that is needed for her to grow. She is my mini- me (like your precious Jacey is of you) And I needed to move away from my dad in order to grow. I know God will bless you with a GODLY man when the time is right in his eyes. Just wanted you to know —- I love you and thank God for you.
She most definitely is your min-me and I love you guys!! So thanking God for answering our prayers for that right relationship for you!! May God bless you and Dave like crazy!! =)
I think it’s fine to want a “Godly” man….but in the end, what if there was a love that was God-given that didn’t hover around every single aspect of God? I don’t think you have to know the face of your creator to know the bounty of what real love can be. I’m not argueing for you to think outside of your box, I’m simply asking you to look at the goodness of a gift that might include an amazing love even from someone who may not appreciate God in the same light as you do, yet still carries the mark of the Lord on his soul…after all, didn’t God create every person? God sends people into your life for a reason, embrace those reasons and challenge yourself to look above common situations.
T.
Your thoughts are certainly intriguing, I appreciate your questions. I have seen and experienced human love experienced deeply and beautifully by God’s created children without hovering around the aspects of God’s personal character and truth. It can be beneficial, significant, and enjoyable. However, what I desire is a deeper level of intimacy and partnership than that or anything I’ve personally experienced and I know it is rare, but I also know that it is possible. I can only speak from my own heart, which I have given to the Lord, my Creator and the embodiment of full agape love. As a woman who is not satisfied with practicing the acts of religion but rather prefers an intimate relationship with God Himself, I desire the same in my earthly, human counterpart – something more than merely a good husband, a great father, and an honest man with great work ethic. I desire to share with Him the greatest love of my life and be able to communicate and fellowship on spiritual levels that awaken my very soul and our relationship to greater heights. God has given me a missional heart, I desire a partner in ministry and a partner that not only recognizes and respects or appreciates my faith, but shares in the experience and journey of it.
Again, I appreciate your perspective, thank you for the discussion and thoughts!
WOW! You and your girls’ are blessed Rockstars! I’m speechless after reading this. Love you!
Love YOUUU!!!
OMG…..I LOVE THIS POST…NO….REALLY….I’m in looooooooove with this post! Besides, the roomies and the foster kiddo…it TOTALLY describes me to a T! I so put up my own Christmas tree….I so own my own power drill and KNOW HOW TO USE IT! I want a man who can keep up…stay on my heels, but don’t be afraid to take the reigns and get in the driver seat every once in a while!!!!! More than this post….I SOOOOO LOVE YOU!!!!
GIRL this was GOD-inspired… He’s teaching me balance in all of this now. I know we are kindreds babe! & I SOOOOO LOOOOOVE YOUUUUUU!!! ❤