Two years ago today, my precious Jacey had a sweet conversation with Sarah Martin (her ballet teacher). That night she asked Jesus to come into her heart. It was beautiful. At 6 years old she began a journey that I myself didn’t experience until my teens. In every way, my girl is so far ahead of the game than me, and her journey of life will be starkly different than mine for it. Hallelujah for that 🙂
As I have reflected on this today, I was reminded of a time when God gave me a revelation in my heart on these things regarding her, and Him, and their relationship. Both then and now I am overcome with awe and gratitude, humbled at the gift of being chosen to be her mommy, the gift of bearing witness to her life, and watching His powerful ways at work in her life.
This was a blog I did way back on December 11, 2006…
Jacey and I made some beautiful memories during the snow days. We got to hang out a little more than usual, make a snowman, eat grilled cheese and soup, and snuggle extra long. Mr. Potato Head parts come in very handy for Mr. Frosty’s face by the way!
So, yesterday the dance team did our annual holiday outing to the OCU Home for The Holidays performance. I was actually way tired and could barely keep my eyes open at first, but then the beauty of the show gradually woke me up – thankfully 🙂 The first half was more jolly with lots of fun Christmas tunes and routines, including reindeer, dancing toys, and mistletoe. Very fun 🙂
The second half was quite different. Everything slowed down and each individual song told a piece of the Christmas story. Early in the second act was a scene set with a little girl on her knees with her back facing the audience gazing into the night sky. She sat slightly stage right. And the backdrop was a breathtaking deep blueish black sky with teeny star sparkles. The song began to play and the beautiful scene was accompanied by even more beautiful lyrics. My heart melted as I of course pictured my Jacey.
The lyrics reminisced of childhood wonders like dreaming big dreams, wishing on stars, and just the pure fascination and magic of this life that we took time to dwell on when we were young and unbroken by the world’s rough edges. The lyrics went on, the little girl danced, and I missed being that small, that innocent, that full of faith, all wrapped up in hopes and dreams, always thinking and imagining, ideas swirling…
and the song went on to tell how the Savior died for this very child, how He gave His life for hers –
What a special life she has – every little girl, every child – with all the critical chores of playing and laughing, running and jumping, asking and creating, hoping and dreaming…
I worshipped God for His great big heart – for giving His life for mine, for giving me a full life, for giving me a childhood and the precious memories of it. I praised Him for the wonder years and for play.
He died for the child
who wishes on a star
and dreams her dreams
I thought about these words and it finally sank in that Jacey has a Savior, my Savior. The One who is my Creator, my Healer, my Hope and Peace, is also hers. The One who molds and shapes this heart, is also molding and shaping hers. The One who knows me, holds me, teaches me, and wipes my tears – He is the same One who knows my Jacey, holds her, teachers her, and wipes her tears. My Father is Jacey’s Father. My Best Friend will be Jacey’s as well, and my Savior also redeems my precious child. He has made my life worth living – He is any and all good in me… and everything good, everything I love about Jacey is Him in her. He loves me with a great love, and His mysterious ways work all things out for my good. He has proved time and time again that He is for me, I can trust Him, He will never leave me, He always has and always will take perfect care of me. And though I am her mom, He loves Jacey more than I ever could. His love for her is great, He will always work all things for her good. He is for her – and all her life He will prove that to her, again and again. She can trust Him, He will never leave her, My Mighty God always has and always will take perfect care of my sweet Jacey.
so it’s clear to me. I’m not necessary. I’m not at all needed. Which just solidifies the fact that Jacey is a gift, A special gift from the Creator of the Universe – from The Savior of the World – to me. And she has been for me the greatest gift of this life other than that of Christ. So it’s perfect then – that Christ gave her to me, and each day through my life I can give Him to her through my love- and her to him through trust and faith, and much prayer.
For my child, with all her hopes and dreams, her wishes on stars, Christ died.
and – wow – to be unnecessary and yet chosen to be right here, in this very place
. . . with her
to be the arms and hands, the eyes and ears, the very heart of my Savior on earth – for Jacey.
I just found myself overwhelmed with grattitude and awe – of my own childhood, my own Savior, and to really let it sink in that all of the miracles and blessings God is and has been for me – He is and will be for my precious daughter. Some of these mysteries He has already begun to unfold and tell her, and many more are yet to be discovered by her.
And so with tears and a smile I thanked God for being my Savior and for all of the wishes on stars He let me make, and all of the hopes and dreams that He has brought to life, and all the more to come.
and filled with awe, and the great wonder like that that comes from a child, I praised Him, and offered up my grateful heart in thanksgiving to My Lord, for being the Savior of my daugther… for all of her wishes on stars, and for all of her dreams He has brought about and all of the many more to come.
God I just pray for Jacey to know you intimately, to trust you always, and that she will grow more and more madly in love with You every day her whole life long, and that my existence could be used to draw her closer to you as she grows up in Your Love.